What it REALLY means when a young, Black woman says “I’m fine”

Man oh man. Dating is something else! Recently, I found myself in a situation where I was BEYOND PISSED, but when asked “what’s wrong” (by the same person who pissed me off – might I add) I said “I’m fine”. What?!?! Why would I say that! It was evident that I wasn’t fine…

I spent the following day pondering the answer to these questions and came up with this list of 4 things that “I’m fine” really means for young, Black women.

1. I’m fine.

There is a slight chance that “I’m fine” really means “I’m fine”. This is hardly ever true, but hey, it could happen. However, if you keep asking if “I’m fine” after I’ve already said “yes” I will become un-fine  and think you’re annoying for bothering me when I’m just trying to chill. There’s a two query limit. Use it wisely!

2. I need attention. Come cuddle me.

Sometimes we say “I’m fine” when we’re not because we want you to tune in to the fact that we aren’t fine and jump into action to find out what is wrong and provide a solution to our issue. It’s highly likely that we are also expecting some level of cuddling or comfort while you work as our personal counselor/social worker/psychologist. I know, it’s insane, but hey, we think that you should be able to read our mind instead of always having to say “hey, I’ve had a rough day. Can you hold me?”.

3. I don’t want to talk about it… right now

Sometimes romantic partners piss us off so bad that we say “I’m fine” because we need more time to figure out our feelings and come up with a way to articulate them…respectfully. In other words, “I’m fine” is our way of saying *inserts finger pointing and neck rolling* “I have strong feelings that I can’t articulate at this very moment so I’m just going to be silent until I craft how I’m going to let your a** have it for making me feel a way”.

4. I’m so done with you; I can’t help but to be fine.

This one to typically reserved for douchebags who’ve put us through the ringer so much that we no longer have the energy to explain anything. We say “I’m fine” because we have already mentally checked out and have started to plan how we’re going to gather our belongings, delete our number from your phone, block your number in our phone and tell you how much of our #Blackgirlmagic you can kiss as we walk out the door never to return.

The bottom line is, I’m fine means I’m fine until it doesn’t. No, just kidding! It means… it’s complicated. You’ll probably never hear “I’m fine” the same again lol


9 thoughts on “What it REALLY means when a young, Black woman says “I’m fine”

  1. Terrance Oates says:

    Hit the nail on the head Alescia, being married involves lots of “im fine”. Not always bad as you stated, however indicator of future conversation.


  2. Debra says:

    You are a great writer. You have a wonderful way with words and a unique vocabulary . Interesting to read a young woman’s perspective . Do you think that young women of other races share this point of view??
    Keep soaring❤❤❤.


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